Survival is necessary to prove”You are Strong”
Kota is Not Future Making Machine
The whole purpose of education is lost when we set the expectations first without knowing the inclination and the wish of a kid. There is a huge vessel kept filling for the kids, much before they know how to fill it because their hands cannot reach to its mouth. They are not yet grown up, but no one cares the goal is filling somehow. There are two big vessels JEE for IITs and NEET for medical. Who will fill the vessel will win the race. The solution everyone seeks is to start kid’s training from class sixth like Chinese train their gymnast from the age of three years. We are believer of practice makes a man perfect, so we apply this to kids. The innocent flowers which are yet to bloom are put in harsh conditions where only the strongest one will only bloom rest will lose their existence and will all here and there, crushed and finished forever.
When I was reading the book METAMOR-
PHOSIS of Franz Kafka, I could feel the ter-
ror he felt when he transformed to an insect and was scared that he will be crushed under his father’s feet and die. His whole family wanted to get rid of him because now he was useless, he cannot work and earn. At the end he suicides because he was not able to take any more pressure and daily humiliation from his father, mother, and beloved sister. He could never forget in his life the incident when he was eight-year-old, and his father punished him in making him stand outside in freezing night in Germany. Each parent must read this book and understand the psychology of a child.
For parents this is also a sign of prestige and future security. I struggled so hard to fill this vessel thirty years ago. It was a question of survival, not in the society but in the world. There was a narrative fed in our brains that if you cannot crack such exams, you are useless on this earth. These attacks come from various sources first it starts from parents because they are the one, we idolise when we are small, what they say are word of gods, we are born to make their dream true. Second pressure comes from school with classmates and competition to top and teachers who also sometime make us ashamed if we do poor in exams. Third pressure comes from society and relatives. If you failed, you even avoid going to parties and visit relatives. Even parents avoid taking along with them. You are socially exiled and feel ashamed like you did some crime.
I encountered so many cases very closely where parents differentiate among kids based on their school marks, their beauty and smartness. Its like giving slow poison to academically weak kid, it makes him/her weaker. The preferential behaviour makes the kid nervous and depressed which causes loss of self-confidence. All five fingers are not same for parents, there are so many examples in history. Every child has different calibre and qualities, do not act as equalizer, you never know when you are old who will take care of you, that time you will repent that, we should have focussed more on the weaker kid. It is other way, strong kids will find their own way, but weaker ones need more attention and care, instead of humiliation give them extra protection, care, and confidence. Don’t embarrass them in front of other siblings, relatives, and society. It is for few years only parents should be extra vigilant and more control on displaying their emotions to favourite ones. When my son was small and we used to go out and praise any other kid, he used to get annoyed after reaching home. He used to tell, bring that kid to home because you like him more. I was having single child, if that kind of comparison is daily within home it is going to affect the child psychology in long run.
When is see the suicide news, it takes me back to flashback, how I struggled to get into a good institute. I always thought that I will never put this pressure on my son. I was under the same impression that my son cracked JEE without any pressure, I was wrong. In his B.Tech, third year he was talking to me on phone then he shared that he was having a conversation on IIT pressure with his friend, one friend told that he got pressure because in his relative someone is IITian and his parents always give that example, the child told that my uncle is IITian so everyone expect that I should take that legacy forward. I was wondering what he will say that my parents never pressurised, I was wrong. He said that I mentioned that my both of my parents are IITian, hence pressure was there each day by looking at them inside my home, I need not look out, where to run from home. It was a shocker for me, jokingly I told him, you do not have any sibling otherwise even your room was not safe. I have never realized that he feels pressure from us.
I feel parents should attend one workshop, how to handle the kid’s psychology and emotional breakdowns. When we are gifted with kids, its without any choice, its wish of God which child will come to our home. God never expects us to be the kid’s future maker because it is His work. We are blessed that we have been given opportunity to bring a life in this world and do our duty by providing a quality education to be a good human being. Everything is a mean to survive and serve the society, country, world, and universe. God never asks us to make your kid a doctor or engineer, he will expect that we cultivate good values and virtue in the kid.
I have seen parents telling me that it is in your genes that your son has gone to IIT, how come it is a quality of gene, because my and my husband’s parents never studied maths. Even heard few kids blaming their parents and citing, why you are asking me to crack JEE/NEET when you yourself couldn’t, and it is not in my genes which have come from you.
Education is not passing the JEE or NEET, life is more precious, the kids are our heart and soul, we need to protect from inside and outside. They go to Kota, but there are limited seats everyone knows, competition is so tuff. I was visualising the life of a student who topped in school and sent to Kota, there are hundreds of kids, you cannot expect him/her to top in all tests. It is also possible he is not all that what he wants to become, he might be good in Maths or Physics. He might become a great mathematician, or he might like music. Let that flame blow and reach the heights, why to limit him. Hear the voice of your child, finances are important as well the life of a kid. Do not use the authority to shape the future, give him morale education, teach what is just and virtue. Let him develop his thinking and reasoning capabilities so that he can take his own decisions. Let them bloom to fullest before making them exposed to harsh and killing environment.
Coaching centres are there as a business, only parents are responsible for the kid’s well-being. If your kid is not able to crack JEE/NEET there are ocean of opportunities, the time has changed. I would have never opted for this, at this stage I started doing what I liked, I cannot change my past and in this short life we cannot do everything, let the kids decide and own their future. Our duty is to make them aware of all the options and give our opinion, rest leave on the destiny. God is always there for those who believe in God. We are not future makers we are there to provide the necessary facilities and logistics.
Kids, please show your presence, let other feels your identity and share your opinion. You are the most intelligent, and you can only decide what is best for you because you know who you are. You are Gen Z and you are bold and furious. No-one can torture you or suppress you to that stage before you take that step.
